it's like every year reaching this period i will never feel truly enjoyed, so many bombs exploded that really destructed all the limited hopes i could have.
Ya perhaps it just all my fault because my nerve is far too sensitive and fragile, i should better always have an unawared mind, not putting everythings on my mind and not taking things for granted (though i have been putting so many things to extra mercy already)
and it's indeed taken for granted that i should be ordered, yelled, condemned with all the wicked languages and ignored, cause this is what i deserved to right? but what have put me into this? Giving others treats and pretending to be unawared about the harms ? And so now I deserved not to be taken into consideration because i am just damn valueless.
It's hard to get into my circle i admit, but please don't flirt me and dumb me after i've put you into it. It's just hell and heaven that i've experienced and I totally dun know why i happen to be like this all the time. Dun swear me a word if you are not planning to do. Dun give me any mercy if you does not plan to tempt me. And dun tell me that i can have the right to care you, if you are not prepared to be bound. It's already so rare for me putting someone into the inner side , so please dun trick me, or it is far too late to evade the existence. Just when i surrender by your heartful passion, and now i realize it's more like a play.
What's only i want is to be taken into consideration, i am not a slave, a doll or a labour.
I just found out the i cannot forsee the future when tears fell over the keyboard, and it's so hard to even type a word. Who could i blame.... the silliness of my own innocence, the innocence that should not be exposed to others.
Thanks for giving me lessons. Thanks you all.